Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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