It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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