she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
