I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
