Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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