you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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