I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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