hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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