you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
