it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
