I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
