He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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