It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
