I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
