I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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