I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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