Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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