I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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