nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
