You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
