apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
