Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
is it fun? or sober?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
