When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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