Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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