Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
