8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
