my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
