You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
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I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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