Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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