God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
