Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
