Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
