Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You're earring is so big in my mouth
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
