Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
