so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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