You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
