So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
