If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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