there was a trapeze. enough said
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
