just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
