She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
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Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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