Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How naked do you want me to be?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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