Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
