Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
