Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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