you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
