if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
