Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We need a shit load of segways right now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
