if i can run in heels then i can drive
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
