It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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