Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
