What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
