If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How does one acquire holy water?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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