I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
