i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize