the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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