Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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