Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
