i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
