I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize