So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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