Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
