don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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