eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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