Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
