This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
