oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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