I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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