and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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