If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
