it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
