She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
