I am full of burrito and curiosity
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize